Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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