2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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