I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
