you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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