it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
