She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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