My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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