I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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