I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I deserve this hangover.
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