god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
