So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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