Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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