Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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