I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
