watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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