He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
