so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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