he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
