Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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