WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize