Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize