Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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