Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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