my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
