Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
