Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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