Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
