a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
