Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
