We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
