i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
