if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
