I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
