You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
