You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
