Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
