I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
