anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
