i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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