apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You are a genius and a whore.
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