Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
