I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
