we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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