you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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