Im at strip club and am horny
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
