I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
