Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
