I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
