was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
