My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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