So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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