So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
