I want to make a zoo with you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
