how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
