You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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