I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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