Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
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He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Shame - the story of my life.
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