some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
