somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
