If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.