yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can you repeat that, but with context?