Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
