I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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