based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
