Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he thought i was a dude.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
