You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
